Authors Rachael and John Derrick have been writing together since 2006. Under the name John Clifford, John wrote and directed a one-act play, The Dream in Question, as well as several short plays for sci-fi conventions. Rachael worked in actual group homes, journalism and then international education before becoming a child and family therapist. They live with their son and two cats in Indianapolis. Their first original superhero novel, Bounceback, about an adult woman who turns into a teenager with superpowers, is available now on Amazon.
With the recent Spider-Man: Homecoming and Spider-Man: Far From Home, Marvel Studios and Sony Pictures have established a clear naming convention for these delightful Zendaya vehicles.
With little effort and clearly too much time on our hands*, we offer some suggestions for the title and plot of the final film of the trilogy.
- Spider-Man: Home Run — It’s like Space Jam with superheroes. Co-starring that one really popular baseball player. Yeah, that one. **
- Spider-Man: Home Slice — When New York’s pizza joints go to war, one webslinger is caught in the middle.
- Spider-Man: Home Economics — It’s Spider-Man vs. Thor on “Happy Meals,” Happy Hogan’s popular YouTube cooking competition.
- Spider-Man: Home Insurance — Infuriated by the sharp rise in insurance rates since a certain teenager started crawling the walls, members of the Forest Hills HOA are determined to take down the webhead. They call themselves the Sinister Six! #
- Spider-Man: Homestyle — L’eggo Spider-Man’s Eggos.
- Spider-Man: Home Fries — Aunt May opens a diner.
- Spider-Man: Home Invasion — The burglar who murdered Peter’s gentle Uncle Ben returns, and Peter’s trapped in the apartment building. It’s like Die Hard with webs. And in an apartment building. So not like Die Hard at all.
- Spidey Come Home! — Spider-Man goes to visit a sick kid in a hospital who asks him to stick around, and the Avengers are very sad when he makes plans to move in permanently. Turns out she just wanted to see him demonstrate his wall-crawling ability.
- Spider-Man: Homing Pigeon — Introducing Chat from Paul Tobin’s Marvel Adventures Spider-Man comics! Approximately two people will be excited to see her onscreen, and they may be co-writing this article.
- Spider-Man: Secret Home Invasion — Peter is trapped in the apartment and Aunt May has been replaced by an evil shapeshifting Skrull! It’s like Panic Room without Jodie Foster and without a panic room.
- Spider-Man: Nothing to Write Home About — A night on patrol where nothing happens. Spider-Man listens to the Cowboy Bebop theme.
- Spider-Man: Home Sweet Home — Spider-Man must foil (pun intended) John Midas, a supervillain with the power to turn every building, tree and person in New York City into chocolate. ##
- Spider-Man Brings Home the Bacon — aka Marvel’s Spider-Man III: The Search for Spider-Ham.
- Spider-Man: Homestar Runner — The crossover we don’t deserve. A Strongbad ending to the trilogy.
- Spider-Man: Home Alone — It’s Christmas, and Peter’s apartment building is under siege by a pair of burglars played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. See, it’s like Home Alone.
* Hahaha, this is funny because we have a 4-year-old.
** This joke might be better if we’d kept up with sports past 1996.
# Let’s face it; they’re not getting out of development hell any other way.
## With apologies and / or a giant Disney check to Patrick Skene Catling.