Nobody knows where Batpussy came from. It’s probably better that way. The legend goes that it was discovered from an adult movie theatre in the mid-1990s, buried in a pile of dust and old skin flicks with less memorable content. It was rescued from obscurity by Something Weird Video, which released it on VHS and made it an underground exploitation experience. Nobody at Something Weird has any insight as to its origins. The performers are unknown, the director a ghost — hell, even the southern accents are unidentifiable. Some believe Texas, others Arkansas, other Alabama. Does it matter? It’s rare, particularly in the 21st century, that a film seems spawned from the ether fully formed and this fucking weird — like some kind of psycho-cinematic signal spawned from the unwashed nether regions of late-1960s Americana.
Although technically a bizarro porn parody of the 1966 Batman film (in fact, one of the first notable porn parodies), Batpussy is mostly dedicated to a married couple sitting in their much-too-small bed in a Lynchian bedroom, trying to get off while ceaselessly insulting one another with increasingly profane statements. Buddy, the man, really wants Sam, his wife of 11 years (or 10, or nine, they can’t keep it straight), to give him a blowjob. He’s not very supportive, but then again, she’s not very happy with his cunnilingus skills either. “You wouldn’t know what you were doin’ if I was your grandmother,” she says at one point for … some reason.
That doesn’t stop them from trying. And trying. And trying. It’s worth saying that neither Buddy nor Sam are particularly attractive people. The camera is never really positioned to capture their attempts at lovemaking as erotic or even visually appealing. Even by 1970s standards, these two had no business being naked and entwined in front of a camera. Buddy is clearly drunk and not once maintains an erection, which seems like a really basic requirement for filming a porno. “My horoscope says I’m gonna fuck you in the nose,” he shouts for … no reason.
What does Batwoman — er, I mean, Batpussy — have to do with any of this? After about 10 minutes of awkward oral sex, the camera cuts to Batpussy’s secret hideout. The narrator, in his only appearance in the film, proclaims: “Meanwhile, at Batpussy’s secret-warehouse hideout, Ledora Dildo, alias the mighty Batpussy, is patiently waiting for her super-senses to tell her when a crime is about to be committed. She can always tell when her twat begins to twitch.” Ledora stands up, undresses, explains that her twat is twitching and then proceeds to slowly don her shitty costume while bitching about “dirty motherfuckers fuckin’ in my city.” It’s apparently illegal in this film’s version of Gotham to film a sex tape with your consenting partner without asking Batpussy to appear.
Thus she does, but not before she bounces across a few fields on a red exercise ball, stopping to urinate and also to stop an attempted rape. The music that plays during her travel sequences is, well, it’s something. It’s truly something.
Eventually, Batpussy arrives, and the three engage in an awkward threesome. They fall off the bed multiple times. Buddy accidentally refers to Batpussy as Batwoman multiple times, so Sam has to break character and remind him what movie he’s in. He never gets an erection, and none of them seems to ever have any fun. You would have to be really desperate and lacking in imagination to ever jerk off to something like this, but maybe this is why the 1970s sucked so bad.
Why watch Batpussy? Despite being grotesque, incoherent and bizarre … wait … despite? Despite that? That’s the reason to watch this, full stop. This is a grotesque, incoherent and bizarre attempt by three unknown faces to earn a quick buck with a homemade porno. Its lack of finesse or structure means that every second of its 50-minute runtime is a downright mystery. Could it possibly get worse? Yes. What new verbal eviscerations might emerge from Buddy or Sam’s genitally engaged mouths? I’ll admit I didn’t see Buddy screaming “You don’t know how to fuck, Batpussy!” becoming the highlight of my evening. There is also a mid-film exchange between Buddy and Sam where he tells her it wouldn’t make a different if he’s engaged in anal sex with a man or a woman and she basically cops to sleeping with her own sister. None of that really matters. It’s all non-sequitur dialogue. Complete insanity.
I don’t think I had ever seen a movie where a man blows a raspberry on his wife’s vagina out of nowhere while a bisexual Batpussy bounces across town to join them. Did I need to? I mean … no less than I need to see another Batman movie about him being sad and hitting criminals because his parents are dead. Variety is the spice of life.